“‘What day is it?’ asked Pooh. ‘It’s today,’ squeaked Piglet. ‘My favorite day,’ said Pooh”. – A.A. Milne (Pooh)

If you watch a flame, it is in constant motion. Its purpose is to reach a higher existence. As human beings, we must learn to live with our feet planted firmly on the ground.

For those of us who have survived trauma, it’s a challenge to live in the present moment. Our sense of safety was stolen from us, so we often find our minds going into protection mode and “checking out.” When this happens, we lose connection to our bodies and the world.

Before I learned how to live in the here and now, I had recurring episodes of going blank. I could be watching television, listening to someone, or driving to a destination, and I completely lost track of time. It was a scary feeling because I had no recollection of what I had been doing. All I remembered was darkness and confusion. That was my brain protecting myself until I was healed enough to face the world.

I would like to offer you a couple exercises to help you take back your life. It’s called grounding. It involves engaging with our senses. First, let’s talk about what grounding is: a therapeutic technique used to manage overwhelming emotions, anxiety, panic attacks, or dissociation by reconnecting with the present moment and physical surroundings. It acts as an anchor to reality when feeling overwhelmed, helping to calm the nervous system and shift focus away from distressing thoughts, flashbacks, or trauma. 

Here are some grounding techniques I encourage you to try:

• Walk barefoot and wiggle your toes in the grass.
• Hold an ice cube in your hand until it melts.
• 5-4-3-2-1 Method: Identify 5 things you see, 4 things you can touch, 3 things you hear, 2 things you smell, and 1 thing you taste.
• Slowly rub your hands together with your favorite lotion.
• Suck on a piece of sugar free candy or chewing gum.
• Use aromatherapy (I like peppermint and eucalyptus essential oil for anxiety).

Decide what grounding method(s) work best for you. Make sure it is nothing that harms you, your body, anyone else, or the planet. Besides that, there are no right or wrong ways to do them. The object is to calm your nervous system, so you feel safe enough to come back to the present moment.

Another grounding practice that has helped me is cutting a piece of an old fleece blanket and putting it in my pocket when I leave my home. If I feel anticipation or anxiety creeping up on me, I simply reach in my pocket and run my fingers along the soft, fuzzy fabric. It immediately brings me back to where I need to be. And, the beauty is that no one else knows what I am doing!

The more you practice grounding yourself, the easier it is to be present in the here and now. You will notice less and less disassociating. You are retraining your brain to feel safe again and connected to the world. Start with a few minutes of grounding throughout your day, and work your way up to longer periods of these techniques. Also, change up your grounding exercises and incorporate new ones into your routine. We are creatures of habit, but “tricking” your brain can result in even better results.

Give yourself grace, especially if you’re new to grounding. Your mind will want to drift and wander. You will most likely fidget and your body will try to fight against being reconnected with the physical world. That is totally natural. Stick with it, though. Your mind and body are learning to work together and to trust you again. Grounding will help you find a sense of peace. And, if you’ve never felt peace then you’re in for a wonderful treat.

I would like to circle back to the flame analogy at the beginning of this blog post. Yes, the flame seeks to aim higher, but it has a solid base, such as a matchstick or a candle. Humans are like flames. Our physical bodies are here in this world, but we should always strive to grow and improve.

We are not the pain that happened to us. We are not responsible for those who took advantage of us. We are, however, meant to live life to the fullest. Be a flame. Ground yourself and reach for the skies. You are meant to be here. You are exactly where you need to be right now. Make a commitment to begin your healing journey today.

Healing isn’t a linear process. It has taken me years of ups and downs. Try getting through each day like a flame, not in giant leaps, but in small, consistent wins. I know you can do it. I leave you with one final thought:

“One must never let the fire go out in one’s soul, but keep it burning.” — Vincent van Gogh

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